I feel empty, just nothing. 
Trying to understand what's happening. Trying to find ways to help myself. Trying to prepare for what's to come. 
I hate the feeling, knowing what's coming. Knowing my thoughts are going to become unclear and irrational. 

I think its worse because i can even tell you what's going to happen and when. Surely if I know what's going to happen I can change my thoughts. 
:/ I don't know. Like I said everything becomes unclear and irrational. 

Such bad timing, something so important. Something that can't be changed. 

I'm sad it isn't for a reason. Thinking about it now I'm sad cause I know what's coming. So it started for no reason and I've created a reason on top of that. I'm really not helping myself here. 

I think it's too late now as the downward spiral has started. I don't want to be here when it looses control. :( I need to look into CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) I know from work it helps change your thought patterns. (working in mental health is a great help) 

I also need to make myself eat. Preferably things that are good for me. I tend not to want to eat much on my bad days. I've learnt eating certain things can help your mood.